Directional Changes in Life
Around nine years ago, right after September the 11th, I incurred a massive directional change in my life. For most of my childhood, except for the brief ballerina and Broadway stint, my aspiration had always been to change lives through teaching. Some of this was driven by some amazing teachers that I was blessed with in school. Some of which included Ms. Ernst, Ms. Huffine, Mr. McLane, Ms. Lamb and Ms. Froman. Mostly the desire to teach special education came from the relationships that I had formed with some friends with special needs; Tara my cousin, Jenny my neighbor and the little boy that lived next to my dad's business whom was always asking for quarters and was deeply in love with Jenny.
Going to Ball State, I fervently studied and worked putting everything into growing myself as an educator. I lived and breathed teaching and when I wasn't working I was browsing online or the aisles in the teacher supply stores for tools to help me be a better teacher. Realitively speaking I enjoyed all of my courses, except for general studies of course and received only one C ever in my major courses. I graduated with a 3.9 in my major which tells you the amount of time and effort I put into studying Special Education. I was working on two degrees in Special Education, Mild Disabilities, Moderate Disabilities, Emotional and Behavior Disorders and Elementary Education. I read journals, books and enjoyed writing case studies whenever I could. My favorite portion of my coursework would have to have been Dr. Hargraves course and doing actual testing and presenting a case analysis on the testing and child's potential. As most know, I still analyze everything.
So then comes my first portion of student teaching, Elementary Education. I signed up for 9 weeks because I desperately needed the financial aid or I couldnt' have paid for it. I did receive a prestigious scholarship, the Dr. Laura Spencer Scholarship that helped with some of the tuition but even with that I had to sign up for 9 weeks. 6 weeks was all that was required to graduate and get your licensure.
Those were some of the worst 6 weeks of my life......... and changed the direction of my life forever.
Just a few examples: I was told by my supervising teacher when tutoring for Istep to forget the bottom kids because they wouldn't pull our scores up. I heard numerous teachers talk about the special education kids and teachers like they were pariahs. I was yelled at in front of my kids because I passed another class in the hallway so my kids wouldn't be late to class and went down the wrong side of the hall when passing them. I was told I dressed unprofessionally even though I wore suits everday with heels most of the time and she wore jeans, khakis and birkenstocks. I received all High scores from my college supervising professor when visiting but my classroom teacher screamed at me when I restrained a kid who was trying to chock and punch another kid when she had left me alone on the playground with over 100 kids. The other teachers told me great job. I had teachers come to me and say they were uncertain of how she got a student teacher because she was an awful mentor. The sad part is not once did I ever get yelled at for my lessons and teaching. I guess she couldn't find anything to fault there. I took papers home and would spend hours every night grading papers and preparing lesson plans and when she taught she read word for word from the teacher's manuals. I'm not sure why in fact she ever taught. I received more mentoring and training from Joanne, Tasha and Conners than from Mellisa.
In the end I couldn't handle it, I couldn't handle the school politics, the yelling, the berating,the lack of support from my then boyfriend who complained I never had time for him. All I heard was all the teachers I know complaining about how they loved the kids but hated the pay, bureacracy and politics in teaching. I did't want to be the person that 40 years later resented their choices.
Three week's to go and counting and September 11th happened, I attended Focus and I rethought my life and the direction it would take. At the same time I was presented with an opportunity that paid much more than I would have made teaching at a job I loved. I chose quitting student teaching at 6 weeks, taking a Bachelor's Degree in Curriculum which when it came in the mail said nothing about Curriculum and starting to work at FranklinCovey full time.
The only thing in my life I honestly quit. It wasn't worth the crying, the depression, the anxiety and honestly the lowest point in my entire life. If I would have done it now whould it have turned out differently, probably. Do I regret it? Sometimes I do, especially when my husband brings it up. I'm also a little ashamed that I quit such a big part of my life without even doing the Special Ed student teaching which was what I wanted to do in the first place.
9 years later and I still think of the love that I felt for teaching kids and working with parents to help a kid who was struggling. I miss that genuine love and need that I felt when working with my special kids. In the end however, I didn't want to to be that teacher that spent her whole life teaching only to resent it in the end.
Someday I might change my mind and want to go back but I can tell you even with the economy the way it is, it would be my last resort. I've been away so long that it terrifies me to think of stepping foot into a classroom with being out of it for so long.
Then I think of the kids and how much I miss them, and the lesson plans and bulletin boards and iep's and case conference's and case studies and the parents and I wonder if I messed up in life...
Going to Ball State, I fervently studied and worked putting everything into growing myself as an educator. I lived and breathed teaching and when I wasn't working I was browsing online or the aisles in the teacher supply stores for tools to help me be a better teacher. Realitively speaking I enjoyed all of my courses, except for general studies of course and received only one C ever in my major courses. I graduated with a 3.9 in my major which tells you the amount of time and effort I put into studying Special Education. I was working on two degrees in Special Education, Mild Disabilities, Moderate Disabilities, Emotional and Behavior Disorders and Elementary Education. I read journals, books and enjoyed writing case studies whenever I could. My favorite portion of my coursework would have to have been Dr. Hargraves course and doing actual testing and presenting a case analysis on the testing and child's potential. As most know, I still analyze everything.
So then comes my first portion of student teaching, Elementary Education. I signed up for 9 weeks because I desperately needed the financial aid or I couldnt' have paid for it. I did receive a prestigious scholarship, the Dr. Laura Spencer Scholarship that helped with some of the tuition but even with that I had to sign up for 9 weeks. 6 weeks was all that was required to graduate and get your licensure.
Those were some of the worst 6 weeks of my life......... and changed the direction of my life forever.
Just a few examples: I was told by my supervising teacher when tutoring for Istep to forget the bottom kids because they wouldn't pull our scores up. I heard numerous teachers talk about the special education kids and teachers like they were pariahs. I was yelled at in front of my kids because I passed another class in the hallway so my kids wouldn't be late to class and went down the wrong side of the hall when passing them. I was told I dressed unprofessionally even though I wore suits everday with heels most of the time and she wore jeans, khakis and birkenstocks. I received all High scores from my college supervising professor when visiting but my classroom teacher screamed at me when I restrained a kid who was trying to chock and punch another kid when she had left me alone on the playground with over 100 kids. The other teachers told me great job. I had teachers come to me and say they were uncertain of how she got a student teacher because she was an awful mentor. The sad part is not once did I ever get yelled at for my lessons and teaching. I guess she couldn't find anything to fault there. I took papers home and would spend hours every night grading papers and preparing lesson plans and when she taught she read word for word from the teacher's manuals. I'm not sure why in fact she ever taught. I received more mentoring and training from Joanne, Tasha and Conners than from Mellisa.
In the end I couldn't handle it, I couldn't handle the school politics, the yelling, the berating,the lack of support from my then boyfriend who complained I never had time for him. All I heard was all the teachers I know complaining about how they loved the kids but hated the pay, bureacracy and politics in teaching. I did't want to be the person that 40 years later resented their choices.
Three week's to go and counting and September 11th happened, I attended Focus and I rethought my life and the direction it would take. At the same time I was presented with an opportunity that paid much more than I would have made teaching at a job I loved. I chose quitting student teaching at 6 weeks, taking a Bachelor's Degree in Curriculum which when it came in the mail said nothing about Curriculum and starting to work at FranklinCovey full time.
The only thing in my life I honestly quit. It wasn't worth the crying, the depression, the anxiety and honestly the lowest point in my entire life. If I would have done it now whould it have turned out differently, probably. Do I regret it? Sometimes I do, especially when my husband brings it up. I'm also a little ashamed that I quit such a big part of my life without even doing the Special Ed student teaching which was what I wanted to do in the first place.
9 years later and I still think of the love that I felt for teaching kids and working with parents to help a kid who was struggling. I miss that genuine love and need that I felt when working with my special kids. In the end however, I didn't want to to be that teacher that spent her whole life teaching only to resent it in the end.
Someday I might change my mind and want to go back but I can tell you even with the economy the way it is, it would be my last resort. I've been away so long that it terrifies me to think of stepping foot into a classroom with being out of it for so long.
Then I think of the kids and how much I miss them, and the lesson plans and bulletin boards and iep's and case conference's and case studies and the parents and I wonder if I messed up in life...
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