I Prayed for You

Nightly I pray before I go to bed, sometimes I pray my childhood prayer, others I pray for a list of those that need prayer more than I do, often I pray for peace. I pray for his will and I too have prayed for you. My prayers are for that someone who I can pray with, pray before bed, pray before food, he who holds my hand in church and prays with me. One who loves my loud, silly hymn singing and doesn't care who hears me raise my voice to the heavens. One who loves the tears I shed as I listen to the sermon because I literally feel like the guiltiest person ever, always needing to be better. One who understands my innate need to help others, go feed the homeless, travel to countries to visit with orphans and hold them in my arms and hug those dying of aids. My heart yearns to give others hope, teach them God's love and let them know that I am the image of his love in how I love them. I pray for he who will understand this side of me and share in my love for others. One who kisses my head, kisses my cheek, lets me place my head on their shoulder when I'm tired and holds me when I'm weak. Someone to hold me in silence and let me, for a moment not be strong. One who knows that I'm not as strong as I seem, confident as I appear or put together as you might think, but I can be that at times. The one who laughs when I walk around barefoot, messy hair, bibs and a Burkhart shirt on because I feel like it's my families arms wrapped around me in that shirt. One who smiles when I'm wrapped up in my grandma's afghan by the fire and brings me hot cocoa. The one who knows that besides God my family is it for me. If they need me, I will be there and time is growing short, I feel it in my soul and every moment counts.I pray for he who welcomes me into his family and they too love me as their own because family is all that we are. Families aren't always blood, I've had that blessing once and still consider them my family. I pray for the one who knows that I like to do silly things to make others laugh, I like to run like a child chasing my dog, ride like a banshee through the woods on the quad and if its raining I will be jumping in the mud puddles if you are near me. He knows and loves that I will be the one with every inch of the house decorated for Christmas, making hundreds of cookies and delivering to gas stations, random places and give to random people because that's what Christmas is.. He also knows I do it because I'll eat them all if they remain in my house. He knows that I might disappear with the kids during Thanksgiving or Christmas because I love playing with them and might just be a kid at heart. He will wear ugly sweaters and dress up in silly costumes. He knows that this allows me to feel free. He knows that I need to be free. Praying for the one, the one who sees me as I am, not how I see myself.. self talk isn't my best talk and he uplifts me and makes me want to be more than I am to be worthy of his love.He inspires, he dreams, he encourage ans he knows that with the love he can give me, I will change the world. I will do impactful things and he will be with me. I pray for the one that is proud to be with me and knows that if he holds my heart and takes care of it, I will forever do the same. My prayers go out to he that knows that I have a travelers heart, I want to see people, meet people, go places I've never been. I want to walk from church to church in awe of their beauty, listen to the sounds, listen to the voices and sit in small cafes drinking coffee watching the world go by, next to my love. He wants the same. He knows that I love jumping on planes,out of planes and people watching in airports but am terrified of driving in big cities, so he will drive.. or rent a car or hold my hand so I'm not scared. Sometimes in the day I pray too , I see an older couple, barely able to walk, holding hands and I pray that will be me. I will be the one whose eyes light as I brush his hair, help him put on his sweater and read a book on the coach next to him. I will be the one that will hold him in my arms when he is sick and make sure that all his hurts don't hurt so bad. I pray he will love me the same. I pray for one who listens, he listens as i talk about books and the impact they have on me, he debates me, he makes me view things in ways I might not have viewed them before. He loves learning as I do, always trying to be better, do more, learn more, impact more. He understands who I am at the heart of my being.. I'm a person that needs to have purpose. He also knows that at times I need to disappear, be alone and not talk. He knows its not him, its just me, that's how I balance.. meditative quiet time, ALONE. He's okay with that, because he needs that too. He dresses with me for the opera, holds my hand as we walk in, he holds the car door, the doors because he is a gentleman at heart.. thats who I pray for. I pray for the one that can handle my sassy mouth... not all life in my worlds is puppies and kittens, he knows that when I respond out of anger, I say things I don't mean and he knows its because I'm scared or hurt and seeks to understand why. He also lets me know when its out of control and I'm being unrealistic. He says stop when I need someone to say stop. I pray for the one with the patience to quell my fire. My prayers go out for the one, that knows that beauty is fading, my beauty is fading.. I hate it but alas we have no control so in a few years, I won't look as I do now.. nor do I look like I did then but he knows and will love me the same. He knows that souls are more beautiful than a pretty facade. I pray for the one who will know that I am broken, I am afraid and I've been hurt really badly and giving my heart and all that I am to someone is incredibly hard to do... walls are there and he knows that he can scale them and I can scale his too. I pray for you and I know you pray for me too