Undoubtedly Debra

Introspection is key to growth and finding your way along your path. The other evening I had a conversation with an individual that made me really question my ability to focus on the mission I've always had for my life. My mission has always been to change lives one person at a time. Irony is that its also my current companies mission. The reality of that mission is being a broad focus, lends itself not my inability to say no and focus on one thing. I remember once my mother told me, you can't save them all. You see, when teaching, I wanted to save all those that felt unloved in the juvenile system when I was most certainly in no place to take on the responsibility of being a foster parent to children with significant behavioral issues at that time. The reality of my nature is that I sometimes feel as though I can. I love people. The mean ones, the angry ones, the scary ones.. I love the kind, the religious, the ones that don't believe.. I love the misfits and those that ...

Over the past nearly two years, it has been a struggle to determine where my life is headed. I once was the girl that believed in the traditional fairy tale of boy meets girl, falls in love and lives happily every after. I grew up in a sheltered environment that now looking back was not anywhere near what the real world is like. Entirely grateful for living in such an environment but I do not feel like my depiction of what the real world is like was anywhere close to what is actually has become. Often we see ourselves in one place and God has in mind, a completely different place for us. I struggle with that, on a daily basis. I struggle with the fact, that I want to control the things around me because in that control I find sanity, peace and safety. I don't like to feel like I don't have a plan, don't have a sense of direction and am lost. I think that the last two years has been a lesson that the sense of control I thought I had over my life and the pretty picture I ...

Decided to check out my old blogs and was amazed to see how long it had been since I posted and how different my life is from that last post. A few updates.... Since my last post, these are the things I have learned. Sometimes you try to pretend like life is perfect as a coping mechanism. Those that love you see the reality even when you do not. You can give everything you have and are, and sometimes it's not enough. When it's not in God's plan, it will never happen. Even if you love someone unconditionally, they don't always return it. Sometimes the person you marry, isn't who you thought they are. Doesn't mean it was a mistake, just a learning opportunity. When you lose the entire direction of your life and feel like you'll never make it, you will. When you're lost, count on God. That's the only person that can make you feel complete. My friends and family are so supportive, so loving and so caring. I am so blessed. There's ...

Looking back on the past year, it has been one of my most eye opening years yet. I've learned that even if you believe that someone is perfect, they are not. I've learned that I am much stronger than I ever thought I was emotionally and that sometimes I discount my ability to withstand or let fear suffice. I've learned to fight for the things I believe in and that all relationships require hard work. I've learned to give up on things I love when there is no hope and that to grow we must try new things. I've learned who my true friends are and what an amazing family I have. I've looked at my mother differently in the fact that I never realized how much she has let me grow as an individual by not forcing her opinions on me. I've watched my sister grow before my eyes into an amazing mother... I still can't believe that she is a mom sometimes. I still see her as my cute little sister. I've become an aunt to a beautiful little girl who terrifies me but ye...

Imagine hearing someone say the words, " I believe that euthanasia should not be illegal. For example, what about people that have special needs and can't be productive members of society. If they can't talk to can't provide some sort of benefit to society then why should they be here. Horrifed would be one word to describe how I felt upon hearing those words. I'm all for free speech but sometimes when you speak, it makes you sound more ignorant than you already do. Imagine saying that to a mother whom has been taking care of her daughter for the past 32 years. The daughter whom is severely impaired, bedridden in fact and can only communicate with a smile or a moan. Do you think that for a moment, that mother would be able to put her child to sleep? I once knew a lady named Florence whom was in her 90's and had taken care of her child Katherine since birth. Katherine spoke nothing at all and could only communicate with moans an smiles of which behind there was ...

Last time I blogged I was contemplating a big change in my life of leaving a job I had loved forever for a job that was entirely new and challenging but with more long term security. I chose the road less traveled. The new job/career and a challenge. Looking back over the past 3 months, I can say that it was entirely the correct decision. In the last three months I've nearly had a heart attack when I realized how much work was in it for me, been excited to meet a strong female role model in our Vice President, remembered that I can learn anything if I put my mind in to it, meet some amazing customers and helped to grow one of the nicest people I've ever meet so someday he gets a leadership role of his own. Best of all are the customers, I love most of the personalities that come into my lcoation, from the Wealthy Millionare with the diamond ring bigger than my eye, with a new name brand bag everyday who insists that we gather her supplies while she stands and watches.... She...

This week I ran into a brick wall, or so it felt. I foresaw the inevitable demise of something I loved dearly drawing to a close and have been in mourning for quite some time but I don't think I ever really accepted the true effect of what that loss might be like. Two days ago, it started to sink in. Sometimes when you least expect it, life throws you a curveball. Sometimes it happens to be the day where you never miss, other times you throw the bat. Which is this pivotal point remains to be seen? Currently I feel as though the world is spinning around me and I can't grasp on... things seem to be moving much faster than I anticipated. I know change it good and helps you to grow but in me it always presents these overwhelming thoughts of insecurity, anxiety and nervousness. Perhaps that derives from my need to be in control of everything in my life, although maybe instead it is the predecessor to hope, joy and fulfillment. Sometimes the two go hand in hand. With any loss, we gro...